[x]

And in addition...First of all, thank you all for the kind and encouraging words. I really appreciate them and in spite of all they give me strenght to go on.
But what I said in my last journal wasn't the entire truth and now, my mom is angry to me because of that. Well, as she wishes, dammit!
The reason for all of this isn't just about drawing. It's true that she doesn't like to see her daughter drawing so much because "she doesn't have time to deal with school" but... I have to admit that it wasn't the main reason for this, umm, situation. I don't know if I even have to be sorry and honestly, it feels like I don't know anything at all anymore.
So, as I said, all this mess wasn't really about drawing this time, it's about my sexuality. It's difficult to even type that so you can't even imagine how hard it is to think about. But I hope that you all can can believe that it's really hard to think about anything at the moment, let alone try to draw something when it feels like your brains are blocked up. B

It would be nice if 'Stalker'......wouldn't be the only title I'd come up with.
I've had to write this kind of journal entry only once before and I really hoped it would have been the last time of doing that. Because really, I don't enjoy this at all but it has to be done when it's the last thing I can do. Well, I won't say that there wouldn't be any better options, but... But thanks to those who encouraged me to write this (and who helped me to gather evidence), here it comes.
First of all, I want to remind you that if somebody steals one silly sparkledoggy scribble of mine, it's not so a big of deal at all. Usually the only thing that has lead to stealing my work is simply unawareness of copyrights, and in my opinion, you shouldn't blame somebody of something they know nothing about. Fortunately, in those cases all you have to do is to explain them how things work, even on the Internet. If you wouldn't steal somebody's cellphone, why would you steal somebody's art? You wouldn't use your best friend's work in selfis

It's time to thank you....for being awesome.
I've been inactive at dA a long time and on top of that, I haven't had enough courage to respond comments, gift arts etc, and I'm really sorry for that. The reasons aren't too simple to explain, but I've got help with my, umm, problems(??) and for a long time I feel like it will be ok.
And big thanks for my progress go to you guys. So far the reacts to my extremely late comments have been a really positive surprise. I mean, the more time I wasted hesitating the more I became scared of how people will react to my late response. But now, when I finally managed to pull myself together and began to try to fix all the problems my inactivity has caused, people's attitudes towards me have been unbelieveable. Just... You're awesome, you know that? ;v; I hope so because you should.
Thank you so much. ♥
Just wanted to tell you that. ^^ From now on, I try to be more active at deviantART. It doesn't mean I will be here 24/7 because, well, I have life outside of t

WAI NO ANIME INUSI'm sorry if this offends someone, because it's not what I'm trying to do. (The title is there just to draw attention lol.)
Since I became honest to myself as an artist, my inbox has become filled with complaints about my current style. And by "being honest" I mean giving up drawing "anime" dogs just because everyone else likes them - just for my need to please everyone and maybe even fame, unfortunately. (Sorry for my choise of words, I didn't find the right refinition to describe my old style ;; This one is certainly misleading because even my current style is quite animu lol) Even though receiving compliments from people can be nice, admittedly (so I'm not telling you that your comments wouldn't mean anything to me!)... Is it really worth lying to yourself? I think it's not.
I want drawing to become my job someday and for that I have to stop pretending something that I'm not. I'm not saying that you couldn't become an animator, for example, by drawing anime dogs but you can do that

I'm getting tired of your bullshit.Okay, okay... I don't know what I'm doing here. This thing has been bothering me for a long time and I'm getting tired of this bullshit.
When I joined deviantART I drew only canines and I found myself from place where every artists drew mostly canines (and almost all of them were from Finland) and everyone knew each others and everything. Yeah, it's very nice to know many people and no one didn't need to be alone because there were at least one or two persons who kept commenting and faving works from these "canine artist" who weren't very well-known.
But the thing that really pisses me off is that everyone keeps fucking complaining about everything. It fucking pisses me off.
You can't do anything without the fact that there is always someone who is like "OMG THAT'S SO DUMB DID YOU KNOW THAT'S WRONG??? U R SO STUPID OH MY GOD. I NEED TO WRITE A JOURNAL ABOUT THIS AND COMPLAIN HOW THIS PLACE IS FULL OF THESE KIND OF IDIOTS OMFG"
or then "YOUR CHARACTER'S EARS ARE

Hello Guys. :)Seems my journals are going further and further apart in terms of how often I post them.
Well anyway, just thought I should update, since I know I've been rather quiet for quite a while now. I am still taking the occasional commission, but I am a little backed up right now on them. To anyone who may want to make a future request, I'm now only going to take them via e-mail (ladyhorus[at]gmail.com), since I don't check deviantART as often as I should. It would be better for the sake of organization that all my commission information was in one place anyhow, so I think this will be a better change. I've decided for the time being to close commissions until I get my current work load done. For those who already made their requests do not worry, I'm still going to finish those (for those that were approved).
I do plan on making some changes once my current work load is complete. I may be moving completely to doing sketches only to help fit my schedule a bit more. But these sketches will of

In the middle of my Con Tour 2013Hellooooo everyone! Not much from me on the DA journal front lately, but I've been trying to upload new photos from Katsucon at least.
Basically - I have done 4 conventions back to back so far, with long work days in between, and I have 3 (or 4) more to go! OH BOY!
I knew this convention tour would be hard on my body, but it has been so worth it!! I've spoken passionately about cosplay at several panels and met countless incredible people along the way, who love this art form just as much as I do. The whirlwind of social interactions day after day has overwhelmed my senses, and reinstated my responsibility as an ambassador of cosplay. I am so thankful for the path my life has taken me on, and am excited to continue down it.
Next up for me is J-Popcon in Copenhagen, Denmark!! I have never been to Denmark and am excited to meet cosplayers and fellow fans there, as well as help pick the Danish representatives for 3 important international c

Katsucon was awesome!!!Katsucon was awesome!!!!!!! I also found out, during the process, that a very dear friend of mine, :iconArdnuama: Has a youtube channel where she has been very courageously vlogging about preparing for the con, and general stuff about her life! Yay!!! I got to see world Famous Cosplayer Yaya Han at least, she was at a panel I visited. We learned some really awesome stuff from her too, though I don't intend to do much costume making, it was still awesome to hear her talk about the craft, and how the culture has changed. (If only we could have made it to her final panel

..)
The not awesome part of the con was the fact that there were two conventions together..and they actually segregated our con from parts of the building, like more convenient entrances and exits, and even elevators..Not cool for a guy with CP. Seriously, I even heard they forced a guy in a wheelchair to try the escalator..Like with his wheelchair, because he was bound to it, he got stuck..I will admit I was happy when

My Age, Katsucon, Rosetta StoneSo I was enjoying my morning, just chilling, enjoying some DA..and then I checked my profile. Something I used to view all the time..I was totally cool and then I saw it, like a giant neon light..AGE: 27...Whoa..Me? Twenty-seven? I feel 16 a lot of the time..and somehow I'm 27 years old. Here's more shocking news..This July, I'll be 28!!!! Yooohno!!!
I joined in 2003, so in November, I'll have been here for 10 years..though I'll admit the last three have been fairly inactive..I'm actually writing quite a lot under the pen name Ellis Silvanus on fictionpress.com. My current big project is the sequel to the Ancient Paradox, which is also there, though it needs broken up into more chapters for easier reading >

Hello EveryoneI'm going to be touching up my oh so very few Questions and Answers panel comics so look forward to that. I want to make them all uniform and I don't really like how they look right now. I'm also going to try and make a few more of them because I've got several questions in my note box that seem like they'd be so much fun to do. I've just been lazy. Now is a good time to note me questions if you have something interesting to ask that you want to see answered in one of my comics.
I've also got a few other unrelated panel comics planned.
My camera is on the fritz which is why you haven''t seen any photography from me lately.
So all you gets is doodles. Doodles. Doodles. Doodles.
Lexa.
Adieu.

Browse More Like This

more ▶

Featured in Groups:

Not currently featured in any groups.

Details

Submitted: January 12

Link

Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 29
Favourites: 15 [who?]
Views: 2,889 (4 today)

[x]

Back already?

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 12, 2013, 8:25 AM

Yup, here I am again. Not gonna be so active right away but I just wanna say that I'm feeling better already. I thought it would take longer before I could post something here but in the end all I had to do was to decide. And because drowning in pity didn't sound so tempting, I decided to keep my head and hopes up. Because that's all I can do right now, and I have even got professional help for the problem I told you about in the previous journal entry. Maybe things will actually turn out fine.

And big thanks go to you guys. Seriously, the comments you wrote in my last journal entry literally made me cry for happiness. When posting that entry, all I could expect at that time was bunch of trolls or something like that but... Uhh I hope I had words for this. I could thank you for million times if that would be suitable but, well, it would be no use doing that because it still wouldn't describe my gratitude. But God knows how the things would have turned out without you. I think you were to ones to change my mom's mind. Well, it seems like she still doesn't feel comfortable near me but at least she can talk to me a bit again. I don't think anything can ever change her mind completely - which means it can be that she will never accept me as who I am - but maybe it's my time to get over that, even if that may sound rather selfish.

But again, I have to thank you so much for your encouraging words, even if you would be tired of hearing that. óvò ♥ It's just... gosh, I don't even know what to say! Maybe it's better to leave this here.

Thank you.

---

Niin joo, ja suomalaisille piilomainontaa nyt kun tässä kerran jo ollaan. Vanha blogi poistui syistä, jotka ehkä pystytte juuri nyt päättelemäänkin, joten tämmöisen tein: [link]

29 Comments

Back already?by *JENIAC

Journals / Personal

love 1 1

joy 1 1

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~Kurage00 Jan 17, 2013 Student Artist

Ihanaa kuulla et sulla menee taas paremmin, ja oot päässy tänne takasin ; u ;!
Sun työt on kyl aina niin iloa silmälle, että senkin puoleen mukava kuulla et oot palannu ;D

~Evil-Darkrai Jan 16, 2013

on niin ihana kuulla että sulla menee ja paremmin c: ja kyllä me täällä dA:ssa ollaan sun tukenas OuO

~hillopurkkiMORSO Jan 14, 2013

Hienoa, että menee jo paremmin. Onnea sulle elämääsi kyl se siitä!

Me kaikki olemme kaltaisesi mahtavan ihmisen rinnalla oli tilanne sitten mikä tahansa. c:

!EverythingObsesser Jan 13, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

I'm so proud that you're keeping your head and hopes up, and that you sought out professional help!! ;//u//;

*Capsysworld Jan 13, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Toivon sulle paljon pärjäämisiä irl -elämääs, mukava kuulla että voit paremmin ja oot saanu apua. ; u ; Uskon että moni sun kaveri ois siun tukena, joten sie et oo yksin! ^^

~Makichi Jan 13, 2013 Hobbyist Artist

Hienoa että pärjäät jo paremmin ja saan taas ruveta lukeen sun blogia

On ollut välillä ikävä sun kirjotuksia :'D

*TiinaTheKat Jan 13, 2013 Student Filmographer

Mukavaa että olos on jo parempi! Tulikohan Valio Oloa syötyä vai? Ääh.. vitsi vitsi ;3
Kiva ku palasit ^^!

~Iikoo Jan 13, 2013

Hyvä että sulla on jo parempi olo! :3 Ja kiva että oot tullu takasi!

*GrumpyInsomnicat Jan 13, 2013 Student Filmographer

You inspire so many people (myself included) every day, so I honestly can't tell you how happy I am to hear that things are finally getting better for you. Remember to hold your head high, we all love you. <3

*Ligax Jan 12, 2013 Student Filmographer

anytime jen

Featured in Groups:

Details

Statistics

Back already?

Back already?by *JENIAC

The Journal Portal

Polls

What is your preferred drawing software?

deviantART [dee·vee·un'nt·ART]

Keep in Touch!

Deviousness

Add Media

Style